Roxie's kids surprised her one year for her birthday by presenting her with the foreword to her book. Read it below in its entirety. 

Foreword

MIKE

My mother has been thinking about writing a book about parenting for quite some time. I think that like most aspiring writers, including myself, she has struggled with finding the confidence within herself to realize that not only is she creative enough to undertake such a project, but that she probably also has doubts as to whether or not she has the requisite knowledge to write about this particular subject. My older sister Kelly approached all of us with the idea of composing a foreword for my mom’s book. After all, if anyone should judge whether or not a mom is capable of writing a book about parenting, who better than her four children? As is often the case with Kelly, I thought this was a great idea. But that is standard for Kelly – she is without a doubt the most creative and thoughtful person I have ever met. She is always thinking of others and is unbelievably giving of her time and energy. As for my other two siblings who wrote this foreword, they are incredible individuals in their own right. My brother, Nick, is a very successful and motivated construction engineer, and is the type of person that everyone should be lucky enough to have as a brother. He will do anything for anyone, and truly exemplifies the terms friendship and family. Just being in his presence brings a smile to my face. My baby sister Kathy is amazing. She is the most dedicated and hard-working individual that I have ever met. And at the same time she always puts her friends and family first, and has always been there for all of us when we need her.

As I approach the age at which I am starting to think about having a family, I am amazed at how many doubts and pressures I feel in regards to the responsibilities of parenting, and I am still three months short of my own wedding date. I sometimes feel like a bull rider must feel before an important ride – you know that it is going to be really exciting and difficult, and you just hope that you can hang on until the eight second buzzer. My tremendous excitement in regards to being a parent is tempered by constant doubts as to whether or not I will be able to be a good father to my future children.

Although I am nervous about being a father, I know I have been extraordinarily blessed. I, along with my three siblings, have the best mom in the world. Now this is a claim that many people make, and yet I know that I am right. My mom is a woman who grabbed the reins of parenting and didn’t just make it to the buzzer – she turned the bull into a friendly old lap dog. Not only is she a wonderful mom, she is an amazing person and my best friend. I could probably write an entire novel as to why I feel my mom is the perfect person to write a book about parenting, but I think that one story in particular really indicates the type of person that she is...

The howling wind caused all of us to sit as close together as we possibly could on the frigid metal bench of the visitor’s dugout. It was the second game of the first double header of the year for my high school baseball team, and northern Illinois spring weather had reared her ugly head. The weather had started out reasonably enough, with the temperature somewhere in the mid 30’s, and a moderate breeze blowing. Certainly not ideal baseball weather, but it could have been worse. And then it got worse – much worse. Over the course of the first game, the temperature began to steadily decline, as the wind speed started rising. By the break in between games, many of the fans had given up and headed for home. I do not recall which team won the first game, but I do remember watching the fans heading home while we warmed up for the second game, and thinking that I wished I was heading for home, as well. But of course we didn’t have that option.

I don’t ever recall a sporting event in which the players had less interest in the score, than in just finishing the game so that everyone could go home and defrost. By the third inning everyone not actually playing in the field or batting was scrunched together on the bench, staring at the dugout floor, and praying that the game would end soon. By the fourth inning I could no longer feel my feet, and by the fifth inning I wanted to be lit on fire. It was that cold. At this point, it had dropped into the low 20s, and the wind was howling. They had to be gusting close to 45 miles per hour. The wind chill, if I remember correctly, was in single digits. It was by far the coldest I had ever been in a sporting event. The entire team was miserable. Conversation had long since ceased as all of us on the bench daydreamed about what it felt like to be warm – or at least tried to remember the last time we had had a semblance of feeling in our extremities. It was at this point that the silence was broken by my good friend, Greg, who was seated next to me on the bench.

"Oh. My. God. Who in the world is still here watching the game?"

It took a second for me to realize that he was talking about a fan still watching the game from the bleachers, and then it hit me.

That has to be my mom.

I looked out at the bleachers, and sure enough, there she was. The home bleachers were completely barren, and across the field on the visitor bleachers sat one lone individual, bundled up in her winter coat with a Strawberry Shortcake sleeping bag unzipped and draped over her shoulders. My mom. After all of the other parents had long since given in to the elements, my mom remained as the sole fan strong enough to bear the weather and offer her support. I walked over to her to see what in the world was wrong with her, and told her that she should go home and warm up. She looked at me, smiling, with a slightly mystified look, and asked who would support my teammates and me if she left? And that, in a nutshell, is my mom.

kathy

People are often shocked when I say that my mom is my best friend, but once you read this book you'll begin to understand why. She is not only my best friend, but also the best mother I could have asked for, and the best human being I know. Her compassion, wit, strength, confidence, and love are evident to anyone who has the opportunity to know her. When she told me she was writing a book about raising me and my siblings, I selfishly thought of how lucky my brothers and sister and I would be to have the stories of our childhood and young adult lives recorded for years to come. But this book is much more than that. Everyone can take something away from reading it, whether it makes you laugh or cry, teaches you something about yourself or the person you want to be. Roxie is an inspiration to all.

It’s interesting, and often humorous, to look back at childhood as an adult. We understand so much more. When I look back at my youth, I have no idea how my mother had the energy to do everything she did, working full time and raising four children. We didn't have a lot of money, and yet I never felt as though we lacked anything. She may not have been able to buy us the latest toys or clothes, but she gave us more support, encouragement, and love than I could have thought possible. The youngest of four children, I was four years old when my parents divorced and my mom went to work full time to support us. This meant working all day as the secretary at our grade school, an exhausting job itself, and then working another full time job as our mother. She managed to make it to every sporting or extra-curricular event we participated in, read to us, played games with us, and did countless other things that made me think, as a little girl, that she could do anything. She somehow found time every night to spend quality time with us and it was the quality of this time together that I remember most.

As a little girl, my favorite time spent with my mother was bedtime. While our house was at times chaotic, with four very outgoing and loud kids running around, I recall my mother tucking me in as a very special time. Every night I had this time with her, just my mom and me, to talk about whatever I wanted. I valued this alone time incredibly and she never failed to stop whatever she was doing to spend it with me and tuck me in. There was something so special about lying in the dark, just before sleep, the house finally quiet, with my mom next to me to talk about anything I wanted. Sometimes I would vent about something my brother did that made me mad or tell her about something I did that day that I was proud of. Other times, she just rubbed my back and told me she loved me as I drifted off to sleep. Whatever mood the day had put me in, whether angry, anxious, excited, or happy, her familiar voice and presence next to me as I fell asleep always made every worry I had disappear. Sometimes I wish I could still call her right before I go to sleep to hear the words that she said every night when she left the room… “I love you, Kathy Jane.”

Although my mom stopped tucking me in as I grew older, (when it suddenly became “uncool”), her support and love were evident to me in so many other ways. Whether I was having a good day or the worst day ever, I knew I could talk with her and have that same feeling of support and peace that came over me every night when she tucked me in. In my adult life thus far, one of the biggest challenges for me was confronting my sexual orientation. For years I struggled with societal pressure to fit within the norm, always thinking that it wasn’t me. However much I struggled with the pressures of society, I never once felt pressure from my mother. On the contrary, she made it clear from a very young age that she would love me for who I was, no matter what that ended up being. In junior high she began telling us that she would love us the same whether we were gay or straight. I don't think I understood the significance of that at the time, but as I was coming to terms with my own sexuality, I absolutely knew that my mom would support me and love me as much as she always had. She not only expressed this in words, but also showed it in her actions. She respected all people and treated them equally regardless of gender, race, social class, religion, ability or sexual orientation. Racism, sexism, classism, heterosexism, or any other form of oppression, was not tolerated in our house. Growing up in a relatively small, homogenous town in the midwest, my mother’s ideals were incredibly progressive.

When I finally came out to my mom as a lesbian, her love and support were amazing. She told me that she loved me and was proud of me for being who I was. Actually, I think she probably told me that over a thousand times and still does almost every time I talk to her. She told me that she admired my strength. In reality, it was her strength that showed me that being honest about who I was, even though not everyone would support me, was more important than fitting into society’s norms of who I “should” be. She modeled behavior that showed us that the most important thing in life is to love ourselves and others for who we are and to reject other people’s biases and prejudices. Being raised by a woman who never judges others, who believes in herself, and who always shows compassion to others has been the greatest gift any person could ever give me. I hope to pass on her gifts to my children, so that they might learn the lessons she has taught me.

I am grateful beyond words for everything my mom has given me, but most of all, for being who she is and teaching me to love everything that I am.

nick

At this point in my life, being a parent seems like a daunting and overwhelming responsibility. It also seems like too many young couples in my generation are diving headfirst into parenthood without the knowledge or parental guidance that leads to good parenting. And knowing the rate of divorce and number of single parents these days, parenting becomes an even more overwhelming responsibility. My parents divorced when I was six years of age. Most people think that this would have a negative impact on my childhood. I know the result was just the opposite.

One of the biggest and most important lessons I took from my childhood is the value of continuous support and selflessness. My mom was and is the perfect example. I remember countless times when my mom put myself and my siblings first – wait, that was ALL the time! I remember my mom driving my siblings and me to our soccer games on Saturday mornings not too long after dawn. I remember her watching my football games on Friday and Saturday nights, sitting in the cold rain, cheering on her son’s team. I remember her going to almost every sports event that I was involved in…which was almost every one! I remember her unconditional support all through my childhood which helped me achieve the success I had in school and in sports and that I now have in life.

Every decision my mom faced was made with us kids as the priority for that decision. She gave me support. She gave me encouragement. She gave me unconditional love. This made me the person I am today and I am so very thankful for it. As an adult I realize how much of the person that I am today is a direct result of the parenting that I received. I learned to share what I was blessed with. Sometimes it was much harder than I thought  (what kid wants to share their toys with their little sister?). I learned that trust and respect are not given freely, but they must be earned. I learned that love and support instills self-confidence and leadership. I will take all these things that I learned from my mom and pass them on to my kids.

I will forever be grateful to my mom for always being there for me – it means more to me than she can possibly imagine.

Kelly

Roxie, my mom, told me a long time ago that she wanted to write a book and share her stories of parenthood – in particular, raising four kids as a single parent and encouraging other young parents out there that it is possible, even on the days when it feels impossible. I wasn’t surprised that she wanted to help others and share herself with the parenting community, that sounded just like her. But I also sensed in her the trepidation that anyone would feel when speaking as an assumed “authority” on a subject... she even once said to me, in an extremely rare moment of insecurity, “Who am I to write this book?”

Her four children – Mike, Nick, Kathy and I – are here to tell you who this woman is. My mom is a pillar of strength. She never gave up. She may have felt like it – probably from our terrible twos through the teenage years! – but she never once gave up, not on herself, not on the four of us. My mom is a living example of the person I want to be. She acts on the things she believes in, rather than just talking about them. She always speaks up for herself. She believes in herself more than anything else. She is willing to help anyone at anytime and gives of herself, and her time, unconditionally to everyone around her. Even though there were always four of us, I never felt ignored, never felt like we were a burden, never felt like less than my mom’s top priority. (Secretly, I think we all feel like her “favorite” – pretty smooth on her part, eh?). 

My mom is completely honest. She believes that the truth is always the best path and that if you speak from your heart, you’ll always know the right thing to say. She taught us this at an extremely young age, making it possible for a five year old to come forward and admit he is the one that broke the crystal. (It was Nick. Butterfingers). Because “you can’t get in trouble if you tell the truth.”

My mom is incredibly compassionate. She is truly accepting of all people and has taught us to never judge, never condemn a person for who they are. She has such a big heart and has passed on that open-minded attitude to her children. I think this is one of the most amazing traits to teach your kids – if all parents did this, imagine how the world could change.

My mom is not afraid to make mistakes – and admit to them. I’m sure you’ll find this to be true as you read the book. She has always taught me that it’s okay to fail and to be honest about making mistakes. She also taught me to forgive myself, learn from my mistakes, and move on. This lesson has helped me in my career every single step of the way.

My mom does everything with a sense of humor. Even on the toughest of days, she can find something to laugh about. She taught us the ability to laugh at ourselves and that laughter is a great cure for a bad mood. To this day, she can make even the most mundane chore fun and cheer me up with a few good laughs.

My mom raised us to be friends. If I absolutely had to choose one thing she passed on to me as my most treasured, it would be that she set the example of how to truly, unconditionally love one another. And that is what has led the four of us kids to be best friends, with her and with each other. She always treated us with fairness, with honesty, with total commitment, with respect, and with unending love. Those traits became the stage for how we treated each other. There were certainly many times of turmoil with four out-going, out-spoken kids growing up in the same house. My mom somehow managed to not only raise us with absolute grace, but raise us to be the most closely bonded family I know. Today, my siblings are my closest confidants, my support system, my sounding board, my absolute favorite people to be around. I can honestly say, I don’t know anyone that feels the same as I do about their siblings. What an amazing gift.

I cannot even count the number of times people have said to me, “Wow, you have the greatest mom.” Every time I hear it, I nod in excitement and say “I know, I’m so lucky!”, but what I’m really thinking is you don’t even know the half of it. Honestly, what could be better – and more valuable – in this life than having the world’s greatest mom? (Someone should put that on a mug). I hope that this book will serve the parenting community just as she hopes: that somewhere, someone will benefit from her story and be inspired to be the best parent they can be. As for this foreword, I hope it’s a tiny reflection of how truly blessed and grateful I am that I somehow wound up with the most incredible person in the world to raise me, to guide me through childhood and adolescence, to teach me all the things I now love about myself, to be my role model in life, to be my biggest fan, to be my dearest friend.